MY STORY

While watching TV, I 'd ogle sultry Cher, admiring her thin, lanky figure and long silky black hair. I wanted to be just like her when I grew up. Those daydream periods became rare for my parents lost their love for each other. My mother's rage turned against me and I suffered her fits of rage and harsh, condemning words. It hurt to see even my sisters contribute to the family's demise by fighting with each other. Fearful and devastated, I retreated deeper into my artistic fantasies. My mom's violent episodes molded me into the fearful and passive person I was to become as an adult and which propelled me into a lifestyle of incredible abuse and neglect by many key persons in my life.

I endured much rejection due to my shy demeanor and unconventional bi-cultural traits. Worse, my budding figure developed very womanly curves and I suffered lewd, sexual comments which further scarred me. Female co-workers also contributed to my shame with their cruel taunts about my derriere. Soon, I developed a deep self-loathing that kindled my battle with bulimia and starvation diets. Baggage accumulated.

I was miserable and bored working at a factory jobs for minimum wage and was determined to change the direction of my life at any cost. Although my godly Catholic father instilled in me a strong work ethic, I couldn't seem to break out of my dead-end lifestyle. A Brookdale Community College brochure arriving in my mailbox one day inspired me to to embrace a brave new world and a thus ensued a vibrant four-year journey earning my degree.

Disappointingly, no job offers came despite graduating with a 3.85 GPA and a full scholarship offer for Boston University. I was devastated and ended up ended up struggling to survive on a minimum wage salary. I barely paid my rent and often was malnourished. I lived in fear every day of being evicted and having my car impounded for having a red "failed inspection" sticker from DMV. I had to postpone my dreams many times to deal with the reality of my Epstein-Barr/Candida malady, clinical depression and inability to work because of it. I joined the ranks of the working poor and battled anger and resentment that my fellow aspiring, pretty girl singer-songwriters were being recognized for their talents and were supported by parents, management and promotion. I was an obscure nobody and forgotten by even old friends. Forgotten were the respect and admiration of my wonderful professors from Brookdale College. I wondered if God had put me on a shelf and forgotten me.

My painful and lonely trials are the reason for this website and my passion for those enduring similar trials. I deeply empathize and have learned valuable lessons in faith, perseverance, resourcefulness and humility as well as serving others with great joy and purpose. Two decades transpired to heal and grow from my abuses, including a crippled self esteem from childhood abuse and domestic violence, life-threatening and chronic illnesses and clinical depression. Holistic/natural healing, regular exercise and continual prayer, Biblical study and dependence on Jesus Christ helped me through these many devastating and daunting periods.

God never gives you more than you can handle and He certainly made a way out for me through a wonderful outlet. That outlet was meeting and befriending talented guitarist, Chris Durante, in 1989. We formed our Christian metal band, "The Promise." Fronting The Promise was a pivotal time in my life and this fledgling lead singer/lyricist had to learn the ropes very quickly how to front a band, promote and book shows, do PR and design flyers. Brookdale College had prepared me for such a time.

My relationship with Chris ended as well as the band and I was forced to move on. Rejection issues from my past came back to haunt me and I was faced with the process of healing through introspective searching, prayer and counseling. I regained my confidence, but suddenly hit with a diagnosis of Lyme Disease. My world collapsed around me. I entered a scary world of doctor visits and antibiotic treatments. The recovery process was even more taxing physically and financially. I was unable to work...again.

God was my hero and provider again and beautifully my life has bloomed. Attributes of compassion, resourcefulness and wisdom cultivated me as I was inspired to compose compelling songs chronicling my faith journey, struggles and victories.

The grueling testing period has slightly with putting down roots in Bradley Beach for eight years. In Late 2004, God rewarded me me with my soul mate, Mark. We got married October of 2005.

My calling gets clearer each day as I put my hand to the plow. I’m a gardener planting seeds and watering the fragile sprouts as I travel my journey of life. I refuse to allow the horrible events of my life to dictate who I am or what I plan to be. I encourage you to take a step of faith…in God’s direction. I wish you love and joy as you contemplate this Jesus Christ who desires to love, heal and provide for your every need!

May you be full of hope and expectation as you move towards healing!

Love and Joy,

MY TESTIMONY

My most compelling endeavors have been in a servants capacity, though. My work has included ministering at maximum security prisons, facilitating workshops for The Women's Center, (180 Program), Hazlet and hospital and nursing home visitation. I also served with Love in the Name of Christ for six years as Coordinator of my business mentoring and clothing outreach. From Rahway State Prison, to the street corners of Asbury Park, Lakewood and Keansburg, people have heard the "good news" of Christ. I have also been blessed ushering people into the presence of God through leading worship at various congregations and my own church.

My deep compassion for the battered and the "underdog" is what compels me to evangelize. God has also blessed me with a compassionate husband and we together support our small ministry with our limited financial means. I also support my ministry through my bi-yearly job delivering telephone books. It is a physically grueling job and I know it's God enablement to do such work. We network with educators, clergy and volunteers from various established organizations, churches and learning facilities and are always available to minister in any capacity.

"A lot of indie artists and aspiring musicians think they are doing something great by just performing for benefits and such, but it is VERY limited. We should all be going out and doing practical works of service, feeding the homeless, giving clothing, listening and mentoring and helping to renovate slum buildings!

That's what we need. Tangible acts will transform lives. Giving our tithes and offerings is an investment and guarantee to see mountains moved in the lives of the broken! The bible talks about the church providing for the orphans, widows, homeless and our disabled veterans who have sacrificed their lives for our freedom.

We can give of ourselves by opening our homes to fellowship/bible studies, give free concerts for the public, but mostly providing food, clothing and shelter. Most important though, is my dedication to my relationships. I am committed, I am a faithful friend- always ready to listen, feel and encourage. This is what pleases God.